Those Phrases given by A Dad Which Helped Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You require support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who still internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."