Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, often causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.
